Wednesday, November 4, 2009
A death of someone who loves you..
Today I lost my furry pet to stupid, agressive dogs, who chased him in the night. I can not accept this reality that he is really gone, I feel so many emotions at a time, guilt, that I was not there when he needed me, anger for the people who think, it's just an animal, sad, lonely and crazy.
Everything I see, he has left his mark on our house, this house is not a home without him, it feels empty and unloving to me now.. Even a small hair on my clothes triggers me into another frenzy of tears, I cannot forget his now dead eyes staring into nothingness, I shouldn't have left him alone at all, when I got the news, I felt nothing and surely enough without seeing his body, my hopes rose, but once his body was recovered, it has come upon me like a heavy burden, I did not want to end it like this, not this soon!? He was merely 6 months old, born in February of this year in itself, so small, a kitten... he came like a noel to me..
He was a loyal and loving pet, to many it was a reason of amusement and surprise that he took care of his toilet business in the toilet, without any persuasion, cats may hate to bath, but he stood obidiently in the bath tub while we poured water on him. He licked my hand when I was down, I am sure he understood my emotions very well, more than humans, when I cried, he came and put his tiny furry head on my hand and closed his eyes. I cannot believe I lost him, oh, he was a precious friend and I wish this is just another nightmare which will end soon and I will get to meet my friend when I wake up, then I will hug you and never let you go, please God I have learnt my lesson, please give him back !
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die...
This is a weird dream...