Sunday, May 24, 2009

May 25 09.... 12:30 night. o.O

Dear Diary,
Sometimes I feel honestly the sudden urge to die seriously, this puzzles of the world are so hard for me to solve, I wish I could just hang somewhere in the universe and see all people doing their daily work and lives going on about... and I am tired of being confused and hurt and undecided, hesitant and everything that I always was... I have never met a real person in my life, they just meet me with a curtain in between me and them... are there people who meet without that curtain? Never a person has looked me in the eyes and kept the gaze... except 1 but i don't know what that was... it's it's like looking in a mirror, I tell you... and looking into a bright light, like the sun, your eyes hurt like they cannot gaze into bright light, the crowd dissolves into a thin mist and there you are on your path to ultimate destruction.
Everywhere I see people in love with each other and I am so miserable not to understand how to feel it, how to tell in my heart what's going on...
And will dying end this at all? I am tired of seeing tear stained faces in mirrors covered with false humor and sarcasm, my two masks, lol. Is it me or is this the case with many? I am going to sleep now and think why I want to live... seriously...

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